The Way Things Have Been
by Athena-anjali
Summary: A young Jonathan Crane reflects on his past and his family the night before his graduation at Gotham City University.


As the day of his graduation approached, Jonathan Crane couldn't help but feel anxious.

Jonathan had spent the past few weeks preparing a decent speech, and practising talking in front of a mirror, to win his shyness. It wasn't until one day prior the big day that he realized no one from his family would've showed up, of course. He was going to be alone that day, as he had always been for his entire life. What did he expect, after all?

As he took off his glasses and laid down in his bed, Jonathan could only think about how his life would've turned out if someone, anyone, would've actually bothered to take care of him.

He had always been secretly jealous of the kids that surrounded him, as he grew up. It wasn't only the fact that those greedy, spoiled teenagers had both parents that cared about them, there was also the fact that they could all easily interact with each other and quickly build friendships, a skill which Jonathan did not manage to master throughout the years. He couldn't help but wonder if the people that _tortured_ him during his high school years would've left him in peace if he had had any friends, if he didn't look as skinny and bad as he did. Jonathan clenched his jaw as he felt his eyes burn, a sensatio so familiar to him now. He quickly dried his tears with the hem of his shirt, and rolled over to the other side, now facing the white walls of his room. He hoped he would've fallen asleep soon.

The pain he was feeling in his chest reminded him of what he had felt when his grandmother, the only person that was supposed to love him and care about him, had locked him up in the abandoned chapel just outside their house. It was dark and humid, and Jonathan had never felt more scared. He still remembered that moment very vividly: he could still feel the crows angrily picking at his already bruised skin, he could remember the smell of the must that covered the moist wooden that was scattered everywhere on both the floor and the walls, and he could remember how scared he felt. How impotent.

Those moments were long gone, he reminded himself. He had made it despite everything. Despite how much they hurt him, despite how useless they made him feel. Tomorrow he will begin a new life, a life that'll be dedicated to make everyone who dared to make him suffer a living hell.

The idea of revenge had been in Jonathan's mind since when, in high school, the most popular jocks decided to pull the joke of the century on him, as usual.

Jonathan had never had a girlfriend, so of course when Lucy Dini had politely asked him out, even slightly blushing in the process, he accepted without a second thought. Jonathan couldn't imagine that the night of their date, as he walked towards the restaurant they both had agreed to go eat at, the ignorant, greedy brats that kept pulling jokes on him and hitting him were waiting there for him, instead of Lucy.

They had made fun of him, punched him for no apparent reason, and yelled oscenities at him. On the way home, all Jonathan could do was sob, and pray that his grandmother wouldn't have heard him as he walked back into their house, to avoid being humiliated once again.

Jonathan shook his head, almost as if it could help him clear his mind from those painful memories. He had changed, now. And althought his physionomy had remained pretty much the exact same, with his long, thin limbs and boney frame, Jonathan felt stronger than ever.

He knew his intelligence would've helped him someday, and it did.

Jonathan's undying passion for books and education had shaped him into the extremely smart man he was, and he couldn't help but feel excited for what was waiting for him. Arkham Asylum, Gotham's most prestigious and dangerous hospital for the mentally ill, had offered him a position there. Of course he had accepted. He couldn't wait to test what he had in mind on the helpless patients in the facility, altough it would've probably took him months, maybe years before he could actually test it on someone.

The idea of creating some sort of toxin that was able to make the most hidden, unconscious fears become a reality for whoever came in contact with it had been haunting Jonathan for quite a while. But lacking funds, cavies and a place where he could actually create it, Jonathan decided to focus on the theoric aspect of it all, for now. At least until he found the right place to start creating it. Arkham Asylum was the perfect place for him, with its abandoned wings and laboratories. Jonathan felt confident and ready.

He wondered if his torturers would've begged him to stop, to make it all end, once he had used his toxin on them. He wondered if they would've cried like he did so many times, afraid of what'll come next.

Jonathan's thin lips curled into a smirk, and as he shut his eyes and finally felt himself drift off to sleep, he finally felt at peace.

He had made it.

He will make them all pay.

* * *

 **A/N** : OH MY GOD I wanted to write this for so long! I hope you enjoyed it.

Reviews are appreciated. :)


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